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My Marriage Book Introduction

Oct 02, 2018

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I am writing this book so the Christian today can have a simple presentation of what marriage is according to the Word of God, as well as what the family must be. Normally, it would seem redundant to write such a book, but when I think that the simple Christian will be taught by liberals, apostates and often unbelievers, that they will absorb much of their value system from them, I believe it is urgent to give a simple presentation of the main aspects of Christian marriage. I want the truth to be out there.

The spark of inspiration for this book, really the fire that got me started, was a young man I knew who made a girl with child outside of marriage. I encouraged this young man to marry her, and take care of the mother and child for life. He sounded like he received the idea well. Yet I know he can be subject to many failings as a human being, and is subject to hearing very ungodly advice from both young and old around him. So I suppose I imagine myself speaking to this young man as I write this book. He may have started the union of man and woman in the sinful way, but there is nothing stopping him from continuing instead in righteousness, and that’s what we all need – righteous men. We need more righteous men. In my heart I write this book for him.

While I intend to present the central aspects of marriage, and its central purposes, I will also expound on them along the way. I will do some apologetics and some preaching. It is not primarily a detailed study on marriage, but since I will be both presenting the truth as well as answering some objections from opponents of Christian marriage, I will at times get into a defense of the faith. I will also explain areas of doctrine which marriage clearly connects with, as well as a few that it briefly touches upon. These are doctrines such as the Trinity, the Salvation of man, Original Sin and others. Yet I will not go over them in great detail, as they are only connected points to marriage. I will share some personal experiences along the way too; how things worked out for me and my wife, how our faith leads us in our marriage arrangement, some of the hardships we have been though. Yet those stories are only to help out. I simply want to present God’s core truths about marriage, and time tested common sense advice.

This book is not comprehensive. I am only trying to go over the main points, than then give methods of applying them. If I wanted to be comprehensive, it might be three times longer. The largest section is about the man’s headship, and this is because I go into some detail in leading the home itself and manifesting the faith in regular, daily or weekly habits. I sometimes speak directly to the man or to the woman in this book, but I speak directly to the man more often. That’s in part because he is the head of the home, and in part because I am a man so I simply have more ideas for him. But I address the woman as well, both with biblical instruction and personal advice. If a woman wants personal help in how to be godly and submissive in marriage, I can put you in contact with my wife, and when she has time she can help you. I have also included a Gospel presentation toward the end. It’s not that technical, but I think it presents the main truths in a personal way and I feel the book would be incomplete without it. You will find some extra information in the appendices, tools that are helpful to me and I want them to be helpful to you as a reader.  

I titled this book Get Married and Save the World, a title I believe the Lord gave me, although obviously the title is only half serious. The Lord Jesus saves the world; the best we hope for in our marriages is to lead souls to Him and to bless our society with the life-giving benefits which flow from the family. It is a serious title though, in the urgency there is with marriage, the importance those benefits have, and our need for a strong witness at this time of collapse. I also thought a nice title would be Shut Up and Do Your Job but the Lord didn’t lead me that way. It is relevant though, since we really need to think of being a father, mother, husband and wife as our job, and like we might do at work, need to quit complaining and just do our job. It’s very simple. The Church would be immensely better off if we had this attitude. However, this book is already very blunt, so it doesn’t necessarily need a blunt title. If you don’t like blunt language by the way, you probably need to close the book right now, throw it away and go do something else. However, the bluntness of truth is interwoven with spiritual poetry, stories, encouragement and many Bible verses. So you don’t have to listen to it all the time.

When I got married, I did not go into it with many doubts or fears. Countless men and women today DO enter marriage with doubts and fears, and some never want to get married at all. I am sympathetic to that. I understand why souls tremble at the thought of a lifelong union today. Yet fear is unnecessary. I went into marriage with complete peace. My main immunity against fear was simply that I knew my marriage was up to the Almighty and for the purpose of the Almighty. My wife knew that too. We were united on our marriage being a union for God’s glory and not about our pleasure and personal goals. We were united in accepting the Bible’s teaching about it. We still know today that we do not have to trust in our own strength, but have the rock of Christ instead to trust in. We don’t need to rely upon our personalities or our cleverness or our attraction to each other. We simply have a supernatural union and a common goal. Personalities will never be the foundation for the union of man and woman. The Lamb of God will. Therefore, I was not trepidatious going into marriage. I don’t believe my wife was either, at least not much. We just try and do what the Word of God says.

People might ask what my qualifications are to write a book on marriage. That’s a fair question. I think my qualifications are strong, but you are free to disagree. I have been a believer in the Lord Yeshua for close to 14 years now. He has taken my heart of stone and replaced it with a beating heart of flesh. I am entirely reliant on His supernatural grace. I am entirely undeserving of that life. This book comes from a brother in the Lord. I also take the study of the Word of God seriously, and have studied much of Scripture in detail. I have spent much time defending the faith as well, both against unbelievers as well as Christians who deny important doctrines. I have many hundreds of pages of that material. I hold Scripture to be holy, completely truthful and authoritative in our life above any other authority. Not that it takes a theologian to figure out or explain the main facets of marriage in the Bible, as I intend to do, but I believe a good knowledge – broad and deep - helps us understand it more solidly and apply it more consistently with Christian truth. But you don’t have to be a theology junkie to basically understand these truths.

I also would hold up as a qualification that I have not compromised my principles. I am not trying to please any constituency and I am not afraid of whom I might offend with my teaching. In fact, I have stood up for my faith countless times against those who prefer that Christians are silent. I have spoken truths from the Word of God in environments where they are hated – both Christian and secular. It didn’t feel good. But I did it anyway. I have stood for my faith many times when my job was on the line, have been threatened many times to keep quiet, and I have lost jobs for my faith. I don’t mean to brag here. However, if you wonder what my qualifications are, this is who I am and I am not going to lie to you about what the truth is, as many pastors and ministers will, just to please someone. I WILL speak the truth, even when my job is on the line. Therefore you can count on me to be as honest as possible with you. The average Christian today has a sense of how compromised churches are, and how compromised other believers are. Some have detailed knowledge of how compromised pastors are. That’s why I think it is better, often at least, to hear teaching from an ordinary brother like me, and not a pastor, seminary graduate or theology student. I’m not saying it has to be me. But an ordinary brother like me. Often more truth is told outside of a church than in it.

Perhaps my first qualification on my resume here should have been that I am happily married. Sadly, this is not true of many among the brethren. The young put off marriage. The older break them up. I believe having been happily married for about 9 years now, with four children (one who passed away as a baby) is as good a qualification as any. Not only that, but I believe the marriage I share with my wife, and our home life, is modeled according to God’s revealed will in the Bible. It is a Christian marriage, not a mere societal one. It’s not flawlessly perfect. However, we have peace, happiness, forgiveness and we both seek to serve God and serve the brethren in our lives. That’s what our marriage is about. In fact, the Lord has been so good to us, in more ways than I can count, than even in a year from now I’d be able to tell you new details of the Lord’s blessing on us. God’s way works. And when I say blessing, by the way, I mean primarily in the spiritual sense, with physical ones being secondary. God’s blessing does not always mean being comfortable, wealthy or without troubles. It is rather His provision along the way, and the peace in heart He gives you. We are abundantly blessed that way in a happy Christian home.

I think you’ll find, even though this book has a personal tone, and contains a number of personal insights, that it’s little more than a presentation of divine truths about marriage from the Word of God, and common sense traditions tested in history by the saints. Or in other words, what your Bible believing grandparents could have told you about men and women will likely line up 80% or more with what I write here. I am not presenting novelty. I am not being inventive. I’m telling you what your Bible, and your grandparents could tell you, and I’m doing it because the world so loudly disagrees. Base your marriage on divine truth. There are millions who will call you simplistic and archaic for doing so, but that’s okay. What the Modern calls simplistic and archaic is actually what’s good and beautiful for our lives. It is simple and eternal. God’s truths are not complicated. They are written in the Scriptures and are in harmony with the natures He gave us. Let’s listen to God here, and not man.

This book will also challenge your worldview, if your worldview is more American than Christian. It will challenge you if your life is based on man-made liberties. I present marriage and the Christian life in the home from a perspective of divine revelation, and secondarily reason. I do not presume a basis of rights or of personal wish-fulfillment in our lives. Christians are addicted to these things. Our life is not about our freedoms or our wish fulfillment, but about bringing glory to God. We have obligations. We have responsibilities. These things take precedence over the hopes and dreams we idolize. Our dream, as a Christian, should be for the Kingdom. That is our dream. While much of the Church seems to worship a western concept of freedom, I think you’ll find this book is dismissive of that worldview, when it is not openly critical of it. Our worldview must be based on God’s truth. Not supposed freedoms.

It is impossible not to notice, every day, as I write this book, that we live in a time when the simple truths of marriage are made a mockery of. This civilization has rejected them. Christians, who are marching right in line with the current society too, have rejected them. The children of God have made a mockery of the union between the woman and the man. They have made a mockery of male and female. They blend gender almost as much as the Humanist world. Yet they always stand ready to criticize the nonbeliever, who goes a little further than they do. Christians must realize what they have lost and what they are rejecting. The family is something as basic as food and drink, as basic as shelter, as basic as civil order and law. It is also one of the brightest witnesses to Christ which we can show to the world. It is through the family that we can be a city on a hill, not as individuals, but as a community which loves, supports and protects each other. This witness would outshine many others.

Our Lord Jesus Christ called the Jewish leaders of His day hypocrites, for they denied the same law of God they claimed to uphold. This scarlet letter H certainly applies to our modern Body of Christ. For they claim to uphold morality, yet they scoff at it and break the law freely, always ready with an excuse. This is the Pharisee of today. This is the Scribe. Before the Christian can speak about morality, marriage, family and gender, he must actually respect them first himself. He must actually obey God regarding the family. Otherwise he stands as the Pharisee today, and the axe is already at the root of the tree. You might even say the tree is already felled, yet it just keeps talking. The modern Church needs to repent brothers, and respect all that God teaches in the Holy Bible. It needs to put aside prideful dreams of freedom and humble itself before God and obey. Then - as you love to hear in your churches - the Holy One will hear from heaven, will forgive our sin and will heal our land.




My book Get Married and Save the World: https://www.xulonpress.com/bookstore/bookdetail.php?PB_ISBN=9781 545659052&HC_ISBN=


To read samples from my marriage book or help support its publishing go right here: https://www.holinessofthebride.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/Bo ok-Portions-for-Webpage.pdf


Get Married and Save the World FB page.